Monday, June 21, 2010
Letting Go
"There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life." -- Author Unknown
History...
"History is more or less bunk. It's tradition. We don't want tradition. We want to live in the present and the only history that is worth a tinker's damn is the history we make today." -- Henry Ford
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Adversity
"There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time." --- Og Mandino
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Healthy Relationships
This article comes from the "Manor Counseling Center" at Manor College...
Relationships take work. Romantic love, the blush, the crush, lasts about 6 months, then wears off. Relationships often fail unless there is the maturity and commitment to work at solving the conflicts that arise in every relationship. In every area of life, if we want something of value, something rewarding and satisfying, we have to work for it. Athletes work hard, practice, get coaching, train, and strive daily for excellence. Professionals in every field spend not only years of study, but invest in on-going education to stay current and offer their best. So why do we think that successful relationships should just "happen" without any effort? Solid, healthy, long-lasting relationships require good relationship skills which can be learned. Just being in love isn't going to do it.
Characteristics of a healthy relationship:
Positive and supportive. Likes attract likes…. The healthier you are, the healthier you get, the healthier the boy/girlfriend you will attract.
Communication. Each can express feelings, talk about concerns or problems. Use “I” statements, and assertive communication. Respectfulness is always used in communication.
Honest. So trust can be built. No game playing.
Mutual. Two-way. Each gets opportunities to choose where to go, what to do, etc. No one “gives in” all the time to please the other or to keep the peace. Each gives and each receives. No one tries to dominate or control the other.
Each has other friends and spends time with them, and other interests, and spends time pursuing those interests. Neither is forced by the jealousy of the other to give up healthy activities or friends they care about. However, the relationship is a priority for both.
No manipulation. Neither guilt, threats, intimidation, nor withholding are used to manipulate or instill fear. Energy is not focused on trying to change the other’s behavior.
No violence. No verbal violence…such as yelling, insulting, put-downs, threats. No emotional violence…such as using information told during times of emotional vulnerability as “weapons”, no shaming. NO PHYSICAL VIOLENCE…neither is ever touched in anger. Non-consensual sexual contact is physical violence.
No addiction… when addiction is on the scene, the primary relationship is with the addictive substance or behavior. There can be no true intimacy.
Respectful. No one is asked to violate their values. Each person is allow
ed the freedom to change, and the freedom to say “No”. Their feelings and their dignity are respected. Fighting is fair.
Problems are faced and dealt with rather than ignored or allowed to fester. Each looks at their own contribution to problems in the relationship instead of always blaming the other for everything.
Healthy people do not stay in destructive relationships. Needy people use others to fill their sense of emptiness. They are saying, in effect, “I love you because I need you.” It may sound romantic, most of the pop songs and movies give the message that “true love” means “not being able to live without” someone. Maybe that’s why musicians, singers, and movie stars tend to have such short, troubled relationships.
In healthy relationships, people are emotionally healthy, have strong self esteem, can function well on their own, and seek someone, not to complete them, but to love. They say, “I love you because you are unique. I have love to give, and I am worthy of receiving love.”
Relationships take work. Romantic love, the blush, the crush, lasts about 6 months, then wears off. Relationships often fail unless there is the maturity and commitment to work at solving the conflicts that arise in every relationship. In every area of life, if we want something of value, something rewarding and satisfying, we have to work for it. Athletes work hard, practice, get coaching, train, and strive daily for excellence. Professionals in every field spend not only years of study, but invest in on-going education to stay current and offer their best. So why do we think that successful relationships should just "happen" without any effort? Solid, healthy, long-lasting relationships require good relationship skills which can be learned. Just being in love isn't going to do it.
Characteristics of a healthy relationship:
Positive and supportive. Likes attract likes…. The healthier you are, the healthier you get, the healthier the boy/girlfriend you will attract.
Communication. Each can express feelings, talk about concerns or problems. Use “I” statements, and assertive communication. Respectfulness is always used in communication.
Honest. So trust can be built. No game playing.
Mutual. Two-way. Each gets opportunities to choose where to go, what to do, etc. No one “gives in” all the time to please the other or to keep the peace. Each gives and each receives. No one tries to dominate or control the other.
Each has other friends and spends time with them, and other interests, and spends time pursuing those interests. Neither is forced by the jealousy of the other to give up healthy activities or friends they care about. However, the relationship is a priority for both.
No manipulation. Neither guilt, threats, intimidation, nor withholding are used to manipulate or instill fear. Energy is not focused on trying to change the other’s behavior.
No violence. No verbal violence…such as yelling, insulting, put-downs, threats. No emotional violence…such as using information told during times of emotional vulnerability as “weapons”, no shaming. NO PHYSICAL VIOLENCE…neither is ever touched in anger. Non-consensual sexual contact is physical violence.
No addiction… when addiction is on the scene, the primary relationship is with the addictive substance or behavior. There can be no true intimacy.
Respectful. No one is asked to violate their values. Each person is allow
ed the freedom to change, and the freedom to say “No”. Their feelings and their dignity are respected. Fighting is fair.
Problems are faced and dealt with rather than ignored or allowed to fester. Each looks at their own contribution to problems in the relationship instead of always blaming the other for everything.
Healthy people do not stay in destructive relationships. Needy people use others to fill their sense of emptiness. They are saying, in effect, “I love you because I need you.” It may sound romantic, most of the pop songs and movies give the message that “true love” means “not being able to live without” someone. Maybe that’s why musicians, singers, and movie stars tend to have such short, troubled relationships.
In healthy relationships, people are emotionally healthy, have strong self esteem, can function well on their own, and seek someone, not to complete them, but to love. They say, “I love you because you are unique. I have love to give, and I am worthy of receiving love.”
Monday, June 14, 2010
Always look on the bright side of life...
A friend of mine posted the following video on Facebook. I'm not into soccer but the video is catching and the message behind the song is awesome.
That's how we should look at life. No matter how bad things go, always find the good side of it. Laugh it up and learn from errors. Sometimes we get too caught up in the moment and let little things get to us. Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
That's how we should look at life. No matter how bad things go, always find the good side of it. Laugh it up and learn from errors. Sometimes we get too caught up in the moment and let little things get to us. Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Relationships
"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down." Oprah Winfrey
Friday, June 4, 2010
Attitude on life...
“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”
I didn't get the author of this quote but i agree with this quote 100%. How we react to circumstances and situations determines how our lives will be.
I didn't get the author of this quote but i agree with this quote 100%. How we react to circumstances and situations determines how our lives will be.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Integrity...
"To have integrity is also to have character which is also the easiest way to run into conflict with those without either." -- Byron Pulsifer
"Integrity is what we do, what we say, and what we say we do." -- Don Galer
"To have integrity means that you don't agree with everyone you meet, nor do you succumb to pressure to be something that is in direct conflict with your core ethics." -- Byron Pulsifer
"Integrity is what we do, what we say, and what we say we do." -- Don Galer
"To have integrity means that you don't agree with everyone you meet, nor do you succumb to pressure to be something that is in direct conflict with your core ethics." -- Byron Pulsifer
Truth...
"If you look for Truth you may find comfort in the end, if you look for comfort you will not find either comfort nor truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end dispair." - C. S. Lewis
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